Rockne's Roundtable

With B&G's free month offer to whoever comes closest to guessing the score of a game, along with their already-existing offer of free membership until the end of the year (I think?), I believe it is fair to say that we have some new blood on this board. That's new people/members for those of you who are squeemish at the thought of blood. I thought I'd take a minute to mention a little something about our three most beloved staff members (in alphabetical order): Haynsworth, Sapp, and Somogyi. I'm doing this for three reasons:

1. It is important to Merlin that I get noticed.
2. Knowledge is power.
3. A thread not mentioning Meyer is a rarity.

Anyway, let's start with Haynsworth...

Haynsworth would like you to know three things right off the bat. Even if you were to meet him in person, he'd tell you these three things to your face. It'd go a little something like this:

You: Hi, John.
JH: There's no "e" in my last name, don't mess with Texas, and hi - I'm John and I love chocolate milk.
You: Noted. I won't. And that's great.
JH: Great? It's the greatest. You probably drink orange juice.

Sapp is what Kelly would refer to as a RKG (Recruiting King Guru). If it has to do with recruiting, Sapp knows about it. Plus, as a former player for Notre Dame, Sapp has a patch on his B&G vest that the other two don't have. Anyway, B&G vest patches are a different topic entirely. Sapp knows every kid in every high school. A meeting with Sapp would go something like this:

You: Hey, Jason.
JS: Hey. Hold on a sec. (checks phone). Sorry about that.
You: I was told that I could make up a name and you could bring it back to Notre Dame recruiting.
JS: Hold on a sec. (checks phone). Ok, go fo rit.
You: Umm...Tim Smitherson.
JS: Although there is nobody named Tim Smitherson on ND's radar for this class, or any class in the near future, there is a Tim Smitherson in 7th grade at Middlebrook Elementary in Spokane. His dad has a co-worker at the Chaquita Banana plant whose uncle once drove by Notre Dame's campus. So - yeah - there's some possible interest there.
You: I guess that's...
JS: Gotta go. My boy Kiel is tweeting about Armstead's tweet on Marshall's decision to sign up on Twitter.

And then there's Lou. Nobody on planet Earth knows more about Notre Dame football than Lou. He's like the Yoda of Notre Dame football. Only he's easier to understand because if you asked him what team Notre Dame beat for their last national championship, he would just say, "West Virginia," in lieu of, "Against West Virginia, it was." Then he'd go off on some historical, Notre Dame-filled speech. Doesn't matter if the topic is Geography, Religion, Mathematics, or Biology, Lou will tell you how it all comes back to Notre Dame.

When you leave Lou's presence, you feel stupid. Informed. But stupid. Ok - maybe ignorant is a better word. Here's what happens when you try and stump Lou:

You: Ok. Umm...right tackle. 1946.
LS: George Sullivan.
You: I'm going to walk away.

Hope that helps the new ones understand the staff a little better.